I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
