I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
