just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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