peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
