Can i not drive my cunt home
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
