So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Who wears a wallet chain?!
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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