she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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