i barfeds in our rink
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
