LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
