how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
