theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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