sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
