I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
