My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
