Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
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