I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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