I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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