so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
