Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
