did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
