How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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