SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
