Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
