Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
