I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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