I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
