My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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