I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
