i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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