Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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