OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
