Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
