I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
