I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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