And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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