There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
