I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
