Is it normal to miss your booty call?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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