Cold hands, warm shart.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
