sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
