Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Randomize
