dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
