..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
