I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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