On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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