Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
