i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
