dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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