Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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