at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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