I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
