just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
