I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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