I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
