Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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