The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
