I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
