do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So much Jack, so little girl.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
