He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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