Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
