I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
